Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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