did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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