I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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