im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
