Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
