Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
