miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
