maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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