I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
