You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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