i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
