he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize