my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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