We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
