I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
