he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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