So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
