hotel room ftw
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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