i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
