Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
