hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
