remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
