like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
