I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
