Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
