I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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