I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize