do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
