Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
