she was so not down for the gang bang
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The Olympian is in my bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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