My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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