New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
