I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
