how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
