yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
