Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's blow job season.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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