I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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