She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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