I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
my poor anus
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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