so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
