I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
did i walk over a car last night?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
