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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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