So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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