I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
