My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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