My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
