He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
