WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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