He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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