Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
