who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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