you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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