idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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