I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
