That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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