The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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