i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
