3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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