Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
