He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
