Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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