ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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