I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My bed smells like the plague
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
