My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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