The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
