Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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