I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
