please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
