I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
420 ftw
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
