Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
