I am puke
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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