chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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