i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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