Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you had me at cake vodka
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
