After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
