My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize