no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
