You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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