Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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