look no pants
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
