I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
