I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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