dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
