Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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