we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
