I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
