guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
