I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize