Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
