I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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