Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
