oh god the rape fog is back!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
