when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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