yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
