Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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