I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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