he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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