Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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