Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
