Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
