i jhust puked up my retainher.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
