we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize