Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
