Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
