i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
