Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
