my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
