I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
