I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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