I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
