I want to have your abortion
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
