dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
