I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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