Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
