I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
