Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
