i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
